


Love is a Battlefield

by hmg621



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Age Difference, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:21:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7096534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmg621/pseuds/hmg621
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian and Justin are just living life when Brian gets drafted into the Vietnam War.</p><p>That's all I'm writing to not give anything away. :-)</p><p> </p><p>I actually wrote this fic years ago and posted it onto Livejournal and now I finally have gotten around to posting it here</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Brian walks into the diner and sees a blond sitting in a booth alone. He walks up to him,

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Brian grabs his face and kisses the blond hard. He pulls away,

“Okay. Later.”

Brian leaves the diner and starts to walk down the street when he feels an a hand grab his arm,

“Hey.”

Brian turns around,

“All I get’s a kiss?”

“What more do you want?”

The blond smiles,

“How about a name?”

Brian smiles slightly,

“Alright Sunshine. Brian. Brian Kinney.”

“Justin Taylor. Well, now that we know each other. I’ve gotta ask. Not that I didn’t enjoy that kiss, and a damn good kiss at that.”

“Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

Justin nods and Brian shrugs,

“Just felt like it.”

Justin smiles,

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-two. You?”

“Nineteen. Well you obviously went into the diner for a reason. So how about you let me buy you lunch?”

Justin smiles causing Brian to return the smile,

“Alright.”

They go back into the diner and have lunch. They get to know each other and Justin immediately falls for the handsome brunet who sat across from him. 

After a few months of seeing each other, they had both fallen madly in love. Brian had suggested that Justin move into his loft with him and Justin happily accepted. 

One morning, while they were languidly kissing in bed, there’s a knock at the door,

“They’ll go away.”

Brian says between kisses. But the banging at the door continues. Brian sighs puts on a pair of sweats and answers the door.

“Brian Kinney?”

“Yeah.”

“Sergeant Robert Collins, United States Army. Congratulations son, you’ve been drafted.”

He hands Brian an envelope. Brian tries to hand it back,

“No, there’s gotta be some mistake.”

“No mistake son. Our boys in Vietnam need you. Congratulations.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Brian slams the door and walks back into the bedroom. Justin sits up, leaning on his elbows, and sees Brian looking at a piece of paper, his skin pale,

“Brian, what’s wrong?”

Brian looks up at him,

“I’ve been drafted.”

“What?”

Brian reads,

“‘Dear Mr. Kinney,  
On behalf of the United Sates Government and the United States Army, we are pleased to inform you that...’”

He sighs,

“Apparently this lovely war in Vietnam can’t survive without my help. I deploy in...”

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs,

“In two months.”

“No, there, there’s gotta be some mistake.”

“Believe me Justin, if there were a mistake I’d find it. Welcome your soldier.”

Justin fights back the tears threatening to fall,

“This isn’t fair.”

“No it’s not. And that’s what every girl’s saying to their guy as they’re reading this same letter.”

Justin falls back and covers his eyes as his tears start to fall. Brian lies on top of him,

“Hey, hey. It’ll be okay. I’ll be back. I promise.”

“You better be.”

Brian looks into Justin’s eyes and wipes away a tear

“Haven’t I told you before? You never let it rain on a sunny day.”

“I’m not feeling very sunny right now.”

Brian starts to kiss Justin’s stomach and Justin brushes Brian hair out of his face,

“You better come back.”

Brian looks up at Justin,

“I promise.”

\------------------------------------------------

A few weeks later, Brian and Justin are sitting in the living room, Brian is on the sofa reading and Justin is sketching in a chair. Brian looks at Justin,

“Marry me.”

Justin looks up and smiles,

“What?”

Brian walks over to Justin and straddles his lap,

“Marry me.”

“Okay.”

“Say it.”

Justin smiles,

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you.”

Brian smiles and reaches into his pocket

“Then I guess that means you can have this.”

Brian pulls out a platinum ring and puts it on Justin’s finger. Justin’s smile grows,

“I love you, Brian.”

“I love you too, Justin.”

Brian kisses Justin and pushes him back into the chair.

\-----------------------------------

Justin and Brian are standing in front of the door saying goodbye,

“I want give you something.”

Justin says, handing Brian a little box,

“What is it?”

“Open it.”

Brian opens the box and pulls out a small silver locket on a chain,

“Open it.”

Brian does. He sees an engraving of Justin on one side and an inscription on the other side. He reads,

“‘To my Brian, always your Sunshine.’”

Brian looks at Justin,

“Thank you.”

Brian slips the chain around his neck then kisses Justin.

“You better come back.”

“How many times do I have to promise you that I’m gonna come back?”

“At least once more.”

Brian sighs,

“Listen to me. Are you listening?”

“I’m listening.”

“When this war ends, I am gonna come through that door and you are going to get down on your knees and suck me off so many times you’re mouth will be sore.”

“Promise?”

“I’ve made you an awful lot of promises lately.”

“And you better keep every one of them.”

“I love you, Justin. And I promise I’ll be back.”

“I love you too, Brian.” Brian kisses Justin and with that he’s off to war.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian is sitting in the mess hall eating lunch when another man sits down across form him,

“The names Michael. Novotny.”

“Brian Kinney.”

“So who’d you leave behind?”

“A fiancée.”

“She pretty?”

Brian smiles,

“Yeah. Beautiful.”

“She must be fucking gorgeous if you’re smiling like that. What’s she look like?”

“A little shorter than me. Short blond hair. Blue eyes that, I swear, you could drown in. And a smile that, I can only describe as sunshine.”

“Sounds nice. Must’ve been hard to leave her. I bet you miss her.”

“It was. I do.”

“Hey, you better keep practicing those for when you get back to her. I gotta go. See you later.”

“Later.” Michael leaves and Brian pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing,

\----

_Dear Sunshine,_

_The one thing I didn’t think of was pronouns. ‘Him’ and ‘Her’. ‘She’ and ‘He’. I just never thought about the stupid things like that. I’m addressing the letters to ‘Sunshine Taylor’ from now on. If you love me and want to see me come home in one piece, please sign them ‘Sunshine’. You never know who can get into your mail around here. Also, you should be getting a package soon. Just something I got for me. But I want you to have it so you can give it to me when I get back._

_Love Always,  
Brian _

\----

A week later he gets a letter back.

\----

_Dear Brian,_

_The package came yesterday, or I should say a week ago, given the time you’ll get this. I think it’s very you. A black leather and cowry shell bracelet. I’ll keep it safe, don’t worry. And on the subject of changing the name you address the letters to, I think it should be to ‘Sunshine Taylor-Kinney’. Just an idea._

_Love Always,  
Your Sunshine _

\----

They continue to write each other for months and months. The letters range from the sweet, to the randomness of what’s going on where they are, to the dirty filth that kept Justin sweating in the middle of winter. Two years have past when Justin sent Brian a letter asking him where he would like to go for a honeymoon. Another month went by without a response so Justin sent another later. No letter came back. Justin continued to send Brian letters hoping that his worst ideas were the furthest from the truth. Another year and half went by when Justin was sitting listening to the radio. An announcement breaks through,

“This is a special announcement. I’ve just gotten word from the president. The war has ended! Our boys are coming home!”

Justin smiles. He stops listening to the radio and just imagines Brian, and what they’ll do first when he gets back. A few weeks go by with no sign of Brian. Justin gets a letter from the military board. It says that Brian is Missing In Action. They tell him to be hopeful but that the probability of him still being alive is slim. Months go by and still no Brian. Finally, after a few more months, Justin, broken-hearted and having no one to turn to, decides that living in Pittsburgh is just to painful. He decides to move to San Francisco.


	3. Chapter 3

Justin walks into the small apartment that he is now forced to call home and feels like he’s about to cry. Suddenly there’s a knock at the door. A very attractive man is standing in front of him holding one of his boxes,

“I saw you were moving in, so I thought I’d help you out.”

Justin lets the man come in. He sets the box down and offers Justin his hand,

“Sean Anthony. 2B.”

Justin shakes his hand,

“Justin Taylor. Here.”

Sean laughs,

“You new in the city?”

“Yep. Came out from Pittsburgh.”

“You came out in Pittsburgh too, right?”

“How’d you know?”

“You moved down here. Unless you’re blind...”

They laugh,

“Hey what’re you doing tonight?”

“Nothing. Probably unpacking.”

“You wanna have dinner?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean...”

“I understand. I just thought if you didn’t have plans, you might want to have dinner with me and my boyfriend.”

“You and your boyfriend?” 

“Yeah. What you thought it’d just be me and you?”

Justin nods,

“Would that be so horrible?”

“I just lost someone.”

“Oh shit. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s okay. I would love to have dinner with you guys. It’s probably not the best idea for me to be alone all night with my thoughts.”

Sean laughs,

“So seven thirty? Down the hall?”

Justin nods 

“Sounds great.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Sean says as he leaves.

\-----------------------

That night Justin knocks on the door of 2B at seven thirty,

“Right on time. Come in.”

Sean moves and lets Justin step in,

“I would’ve brought something, but I have nothing.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. I told Brian you were coming over and he decided to go all out and actually cook.”

Justin looks devastated,

“Brian.”

“That was his name wasn’t it?”

Justin nods,

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. Justin I...”

“There’s no way you could’ve known. I’ll be fine. I have to get used to other people having that name.”

“Are you sure you want to stay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Well he went to get changed, so I’m going to get him. Please make yourself comfortable.”

Sean walks into another room and Justin sits on the sofa. After a few moments Sean walks back into the room,

“Justin. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend Brian. Brian this is our new neighbor Justin”

As Justin stands up he feels like he’s been knocked off his feet. Standing before him isn’t a new neighbor, but Brian, his Brian. He quickly recomposes himself,

“Nice to meet you Brian.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Brian smiles and they shake hands,

“Well dinner should be ready. I hope you like lasagna.”

“Love it.”

They sit at the small dining table. They start to eat and curiosity gets the better of Justin

“So did either of you get called upon by this lovely war we had?”

“Sean didn’t, but apparently I did.”

“What do you mean apparently?”

“I woke up in this hospital over there, couldn’t remember a thing, not even my name. I guess he was a buddy of mine, cause some guy knew my first name was Brian.”

“So what’s your last name?”

“Don’t know. I was given Smith. And San Francisco was the first city stateside that the hospital patients are dropped.”

“So how’d you two meet?”

“I’m an orderly at St. Mary’s and he was just the cutest guy with amnesia I’d ever seen.”

“Thanks.”

Brian laughs and he and Sean kiss. Justin looks down at his plate.

“So that’s plenty about the two of us. Sean said you’re from The Pitts.”

“Yeah. Just got here today actually.”

“You like it so far?”

“Little lonely.”

“Right. He said that you said that you lost someone.”

“Yeah. My boyfriend was drafted almost four years ago and when the war ended he didn’t come home. I got a letter that said he was MIA and most likely dead.”

Justin explains trying to hold back his tears,

“So what made you come out here?”

“I needed a change. We didn’t really have anyone but ourselves out there, so it wasn’t that hard to leave, except our home. I sold the loft we had and moved out here.”

“The apartments aren’t that great here. You could’ve gotten something nicer with the money you got from the loft.”

Brian says but then catches himself, “I assume.”

Justin looks at him in slight shock and Sean looks at him in confusion.

“Yeah, I could have but with moving and needing money until I can find a job this was in my price range.”

“You’re a painter right?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you know that?” Sean asks.

“Oh I probably smell like paint. Even after a hundred showers the smell never goes away.”

Justin says trying to save Brian from the memory he doesn’t have,

“Yeah I guess that’s it.” Brian says looking down at his plate wondering where that just came from.

\-------------------------------------

After dinner Brian walked Justin to his door as Sean started the dishes in their apartment.

“Look I’m sorry if I crossed a line sometime. Your life’s your business and I should’ve let you tell us what you wanted to.”

“If I didn’t want to tell you something I wouldn’t have. And you’re not the kind of person who would push me.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Just a feeling. Okay someday soon, you and Sean will come over to my apartment and I will repay your hospitality.”

“Okay.”

“Later Brian.”

“Later.”

Justin walks into his apartment, shuts the door and after he hears footsteps walking away, he bursts into tears.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Brian walks into the living room, after Sean has left for work, and sees an envelope sitting by the door. He picks it up and opens it

\-------  
_This doesn’t count as my hospitality, but how do you guys feel about the Castro? I was planning to brave it tonight and if you’ve been there and want to be a buffer that’d be great. If not, that’s fine. I don’t want to get a guy either way, just don’t think staying in my apartment for the rest of my life is a good idea. Nine thirty? Let me know._

_Justin  
\--------_

Brian and Sean show up at Justin’s door a little before nine thirty. They take him down to Castro Street and show him a few bars. They have a few drinks and Justin watches as the love of his life is happy with someone else. Justin knows he wants Brian back, but he wants Brian to be happy more. So if Sean makes Brian happy, then Justin will leave them alone. After a few hours the boys start walking home when Sean practically passes out. Brian picks him up and carries him as he and Justin walk to their apartments,

“Is he okay?” Justin asks.

“He’s fine. He forgets that even a few drinks mixed with a long day can push him over the edge pretty easily.”

“I’m sorry, I had no idea...”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. Besides, sorry’s bullshit.”

“Yeah, that’s what my boyfriend used to say.”

“Sounds like we might’ve been friends.”

“You’re basically the same person.”

“You know, since I met you yesterday, I’ve been saying things and thinking about things that I never have before. You got any idea why?”

Justin looks at Brian for a moment then quickly at Sean in his arms,

“Not a clue. Maybe I remind you of someone you once had.”

“Maybe. I’m gonna put him in bed then do you mind if I come over and we keep talking?”

“Sure. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Okay.”

They walk to their own apartments.

\---------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later Justin lets Brian into his apartment. They sit on his sofa facing each other and just talk for hours, they don’t even realize that it’s now well past midnight.

“Sometimes I think about the life I had. And the life I might’ve had if I hadn’t forgotten. I wonder if it might have been a fairy tale.”

“Would you like to hear a story? Almost like a fairy tale.”

“Sure.”

“Okay. So I was nineteen when I met Brian, he was twenty-two. And he and I fell madly in love, at least I did.”

“Love at first sight?”

“Yeah. So Justin,”

“Wait, you’re switching to third person?”

“Sometimes it feels like another life.”

Brian nods.

“Anyways, Justin fell in love with Brian right away and after a few days Brian fell in love too. And they were together for a few months when the war strikes and Brian got drafted. And the night before he has to go, he promises Justin that he’ll be back and when he is they’ll get married. Or as close to it as they can. And so he left for the war. And they wrote letters to each other almost everyday for months and months. And one day Justin stopped getting letters. He kept sending them but didn’t get any in return. When the war ended he got a notice from the military that said Brian was probably dead. Justin was devastated and decided that it was too hard to keep living in their home, so he moved away.”

“This doesn’t sound like a fairy tale.”

“There’s a happy ending though. You see, Justin saw Brian when he got to his new city. But Brian couldn’t remember who he was he just knows who he is. And Justin was crushed. He wanted to remind Brian of their life together but he couldn’t.”

“How come?”

“Because, you see Brian found another love. And he’s happy. And Justin normally would’ve tried to get Brian back but he remembered a letter that Brian wrote to him during the war. It said _‘Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.’_ , it’s a famous line from a love letter written by Beethoven, Brian was always a romantic. Anyways, it said,

_‘I thought about the meaning of true love the other night. To me, it means not wanting someone to love you, and not loving someone so much it hurts. But...’”_

" _‘But wanting them to be happy,’_ ” Brian finished.

“Right. It kept going with

_‘So no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing I will always love you...’”_

_“‘And I’ll always come home.’_  
Why is it that I can finish that letter?”

“What if I told you that you were twenty-two when I met you?”

“I’d say that explains the locket.”

“Locket?”

Brian pulls a broken silver locket out from under his shirt and takes it off from around his neck,

“They said um… they said that when they found me, I had this in my hand. They said that I wouldn’t let go of it. And one day I couldn’t remember why I was holding it. I just knew I had to. There’s um… an inscription. It says _‘To my Brian. Always your Sunshine’_ ”

“It’s what you used to call me. You said it was because of...”

“Your smile.”

Justin is trying not to cry,

“I’m sure I’ve smiled like that...”

“No. I remember”

“You remember?”

Justin smiles and a tear rolls down his cheek, Brian wipes it away,

“Thought I told you, you’re not supposed to let it rain on a sunny day, Sunshine.”

Justin smiles his bright sunshine smile,

“There’s the Sunshine I know. I promised you I’d be back.”

“I’m glad you are.”

Brian kisses him hard, pushing Justin backwards onto the sofa.

“Marry me.”

“I already told you I would.”

Brian smiles and kisses Justin.

“One thing.”

Justin says as he pulls away,

“We move.”

“Where?”

“Ontario?”

Brian smiles,

“Ontario sounds nice. Now I’ve been without you for four years, and I don’t want to wait another moment.”

“Neither do I.”

Brian leans down and kisses Justin and they remember the love they shared.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Justin and Brian wake up, in each other’s arms, to the sound of a banging at the door.

“That’s probably Sean.”

“How exactly are you going to explain this to him?”

“We can’t just disappear?”

“No we cannot just disappear. You spent a year with this man. He loves you. He’s disserves an explanation.”

“That I’m leaving him for the man I loved from before I could remember?”

“If that’s what you plan to say, yes. But I’ll get the door”

Brian sighs and lets Justin get up from the bed and they get dressed. Justin walks to the door, leaving Brian in the other room to mentally prepare, Justin opens the door,

“Hey Sean.”

“Justin, it’s Brian. He didn’t come home last night, didn’t leave a note if he did, and I can’t find him anywhere.”

“Sean, come in. There’s something you should know.”

“What is it?”

Just then Brian comes out from the bedroom,

“You slept with Brian?”

“Sean, Brian’s my Brian.”

“What?”

“My name is Brian Kinney. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh.”

“What? No sweetie, you’re just confused.”

“I’m not confused. I remember. I remember everything. We met in a diner.”

He looks at Justin,

“I kissed him.”

Justin smiles and Brian turns back to Sean,

“And then I got fucking drafted and had to leave. I can remember every letter we wrote to each other. The bracelet I sent him to give to me. I can remember how I proposed.”

“Proposed?”

“All I said was ‘marry me’. And he said ‘yes’. I’m sorry Sean. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You bitch, you did this to him.”

Sean attempts to slap Justin but Brian catches his wrist before he touches Justin’s face,

“You do not get to hit Justin. No one gets to hit Justin. Clear?”

Brian drops Sean’s hand,

“I’m sorry I hurt you. But I love Justin. And we’re going to live together and get as close to married we can. You can either accept it, or you can’t. But either way I’ll be moving out today.”

“Fine. Just go. Get out.”

Sean says as he shoves Brian backwards...

\-------------------------------------------------------

Justin wakes up in a panic. He feels arms around his waist and breath on his neck. He turns around and sees Brian fast asleep. He kisses Brian on the lips. Brian, surprised, returns the kiss. Justin pulls away when he feels the need to fill their lungs with air.

“You had that dream again, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Only this time his name was Sean.” 

Justin turns onto his other side. Brian tightens his grip, pulling Justin closer to him.

“Well, don’t worry. I’m not going off to any war that ended forty-some years ago.”

“You better not.”

Brian kisses Justin’s neck,

“Go back to sleep Justin.”

Brian kisses Justin neck again then buries his face in the crook of Justin’s neck.

“Okay. I love you Brian.”

“You too.”


End file.
